Posts Tagged ‘Barry Obama’

O Hai

August 26, 2008

I had something to say about the Democratic Convention, and I think it was big and important, but I squandered my day, my brainpower, and my will to avoid the Maker’s Mark before 5:00 p.m. on a senseless, bitter fight with a bunch of hawt Canadian bitches over on Buttercuppunch.  Having lost my train of thought, I’m going to say something simple instead: Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell is hiding in my closet, listening to every word I say.  Just this past Sunday, I was standing in my bedroom, wildly waving the Sunday paper about, jabbing my finger in J’s wary face, and telling him that I’d better see Barry Obama’s skinny ass in the local VFW hall and at Friday night bingo and at the next NASCAR race because playing to college students and arena crowds in Germany is a road to nowhere.  Well, guess what Ed Rendell had to say in an interview with NPR  this morning? (more…)

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Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb DUMB!

August 23, 2008

Dear Barry:

Joe Biden, huh?  Wrong choice, for so many reasons.  To your lack of military experience, he brings…no military experience.  To your membership in the most elite club in America, he brings…his own Senate seat.  To your least-favorite-profession-in-America job, he brings…another lawyer.  To your lack of executive experience, he brings…no executive experience.  And to the job of being America’s goodwill ambassador and savvy wingman, he brings his well-documented tendency to stick his foot in his mouth.  Not that the Republicans are good at twisting people’s words or anything, so I guess we just won’t worry about that one.  And as for those swing states and the fact that you’re down 16 motherfucking points in the South, well, I’m sure a Catholic senator from Delaware will be the yin to your yang in all things Nascar dad, working class bubba, and Joe Six Pack.  High five, Barry!  And give my regards to your advisors, may they rot in hell.  I’ll be seeing you in November, holding the short end of the stick.  Enjoy.

XOXO,

Myrtle

P.S.  That 3:22 a.m. text message announcement on a Saturday?  Genius.  Really, people were gathered around the water cooler buzzing about your choice all morning.  Can’t wait to see you put your management skills to work in Iraq.  You. are. awesome.