Posts Tagged ‘Lynard Skynard’

In Praise of the Backdoor Man

July 10, 2008

Oh, Urban Dictionary, why did you fail me on this one?  A backdoor man is not an anal sex aficionado.*  Jaysus.  A backdoor man is your lowdown, dirty sexin’ partner, the one you call when your steady man can’t close the deal.  He sneaks in your backdoor (minds out of the gutter, ladies!) so the bitter mob at the Pampered Chef party across the street doesn’t catch you having fun.  He’s almost the guy Lynard Skynard sang about in Gimme Three Steps, but not quite.  No, you’re gonna have to put down your lighter, quit your motherfucking “Play some Skynard” screeching, and step away from Southern rock (as kickass as it is) to get a good handle on the Backdoor Man.  I couldn’t find Willie Dixon’s original on YouTube, but Howlin’ Wolf somehow managed to make it even dirtier (I’m Myrtlebeachbum, and I approve this nasty version):

Yes, I know you bitches don’t want to cheat on your ball and chain and end up rooming with Jesse Helms for all eternity.  This is why you should take a cue from mama Myrtlebeachbum and marry your backdoor man.  The nasty and the upstanding: let me show you them, all rolled up into one scrumptious spouse.

*Not that there’s anything short of awesome about that.

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