Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category


November 19, 2008


I’m oh so busy, y’all, but I did have time to wander aimlessly around Books a Million tonight.  At checkout, Nicole Kidman caught my eye, and not in a good way.  Doesn’t she have people anymore?  And what, exactly, is wrong with this picture?  I can’t put my finger on it because my finger isn’t that big, but where to start?

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope to see you more often on the other side of Thanksgiving and finals.



Whatever, Dude.

October 28, 2008

I haven’t taken “because I said so” as justification for anything that comes out of Colin Powell’s mouth since his bullshit appearance before the U.N. Security Council pre-Stupidest War Ever, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to find he was a character witness for Ted Stevens during Stevens’ recent federal trial on financial disclosure law violations.  Still, it doesn’t look good, especially since Stevens was convicted yesterday on all counts and is already being widely decried as a corrupt old fucker, even by those within his own party.  I didn’t believe Powell in 2003, I don’t believe him when he says Ted Stevens is a “trusted individual” with a “sterling reputation,” and I’m still waiting to hear why he’s a man whose word is irrefutable truth.  Sure, I was happy when he endorsed O, but as someone who knew a lie when I saw it during his testimony outlining “our” case for war in Iraq, I’m unsure why this man’s word means anything more than anyone else’s.

Bring me someone who wasn’t W’s mouthpiece during the WMD nonsense, and I’ll be all ears for his presidential candidate endorsement.  Until then, I’ll just be hanging out, drinking Maker’s, listening to Miley Cyrus, and generally being a transformational beach bum.

Um. So, About My iPod.

October 27, 2008

Months and months and DAMN months ago, I told Kadinsky aka World’s Hottest Woman that she should ask ButtercupPunch readers to confess the most embarrassing song on their iPods.  Have I heard back from that hawtbitch?  No.  (I have, however, nibbled on her shoulder, so there’s that).  Anyway, confession is wicked good for the soul, so I’ma go it alone and let y’all know what I’m holding. (more…)

Let’s Go Krogering. For the Worst of Everything…

October 23, 2008

Including the pickup lines.

Picture it: Murrells Inlet Kroger, 2008.  Me, trying to buy groceries.  Cute young checkout girl, trying to do her job.  Old, yellow biker dude skeezer, in line behind me buying beer and chicken.

Skeezer to checkout girl: So, how’re you?

Checkout girl: Fine.

Skeezer: I can see that.

Me: Die in a fire.

Sometimes you wish you handn’t left your shank at home, knowhuddimean?

Tell Me Something Good. Tell Me That You Still Love Me.

October 8, 2008

If I weren’t already done with the DNC (the Democratic National Committee, mind you, not Democrat candidates in general), I am now.  I just received an “Ask Me How Many Houses I Own” sticker in the mail, along with a request for a donation.  Hahahahaha, good one, Howard Dean! (more…)

You Paid HOW MUCH For That Degree?

October 2, 2008

NPR’s “Day to Day” had a story today about parents’ struggles to pay the rising cost of tuition at private colleges and universities.  Average annual tuition at those institutions is now $23,000.  I heard a story a little while ago about the top schools charging more than $50,000 per year.  I certainly feel for parents who enrolled their children at these schools and are now struggling to pay increasing costs in a slumping economy, but I have to wonder: why did they do it in the first place? (more…)

Something We Can Agree On

October 2, 2008

Kim Kardashian is the latest contestant to get the boot on “Dancing With the Stars,” and this morning she was on “The View” to show off her dance skills and explain how it all went down.  Kim let the ladies know that, unlike last season’s winner Kristi Yamaguchi, whose fans are so clearly moms and Olympic enthusiasts with nothing better to do than watch DWTS, her fans are “younger” and probably didn’t tune in or vote.

I think she’s right.  My imaginary friend was watching “Project Runway” with me last night and just can’t be bothered with a has-been dance-off.  I assume Kim’s is the same way.

The News From Back Home…

October 1, 2008

…is that vampires have moved in.  Seems like impaling your victims would be overkill, but I guess that’s not for mere mortals to judge.

Life is What Happens When You’re Busy Making Other Plans

September 29, 2008

I’ve been busy for the last nine years.  I’ve been getting married and having kids and going to school and starting new careers and going grocery shopping and balancing my checkbook and waiting in customer service queue and making lunches and vacuuming up all the dog hair and paying my library fines.  There have been breathtaking moments of awe, like the early March afternoon I walked out of UT Hospital with my brand-new husband and my brand-new babies, blinking into the sunlight and wondering how the world could be so amazing and so terrifying at the same time.  But mostly there have been mundane moments of just trying to get by, like the thousands of times I schlepped those same two babies to and from school or daycare, often one homework assignment or one permission slip or one snack or one jacket short and almost always a few minutes later than I had planned to be.  Mostly, I just take care of stuff and try to get a little bit ahead so that I can relax or something, but I usually take that extra time to get a little bit more ahead on the same old shit that I’ve been getting ahead on so I could conceivably relax. (more…)

I Always Wanted to Marry Someone Just Like Mom

September 24, 2008


Today, Clay Aiken finally told us the grass is green and oh, by the way, he’s gay.  LiLo confirmed that she’s loved SamRon for “a very long time.”  I’m sensing a sea change in the freedom gay Americans have to be themselves.  And isn’t that the most basic freedom?  And doesn’t the right to marry their beloveds necessarily follow?  I’m certainly glad that Steven Spielberg, Kate Capshaw, Brad Pitt, and their respective wallets think so.  High five!

According to one of my anonymous tipsters, though, the good news hasn’t reached Fort Smith, Arkansas, where “same-sex marriage” means signing up for a lifetime of living out your incestuous fantasies.  Say what???  Read on:


I am all for same sex marriages. My wife wants me to be the same sex as her father and my father. I want her to be the same sex as my mother and her mother. This philosophy has served us pretty well for almost 40 years. Sorry, that’s not the kind of same sex marriages the Democratic hypocrites wish to hear about.

Frank Oliver

Fort Smith

*Cut the banjo music.*