Conservatwat of the Day: Monica Goodling

I had hoped to never, ever see Monica Goodling again.  I had prayed even harder to never, ever again hear her childlike voice defending the way she, as a 34 year-old (!) Justice Department liaison to the White House and senior adviser to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, broke the law over and over again by requiring applicants for non-political jobs to meet conservative litmus tests.

However, I’ve had a change of heart.  I would like to be the first to welcome her back into the news today.  The Justice Department’s Office of the Inspector General and Office of Professional Responsibility has released the second part of its report on Gonzales-era Justice Department shenanigans, and it’s a really good read.  It concludes that Goodling broke civil service laws, violated department policy, and engaged in “misconduct.” The report also depicts Goodling as a central figure in politicizing employment decisions at Justice during the Bush administration.  Best of all, the report has the actual questions our little Pat Robertson law school graduate posed to Justice Department applicants.  Inhale some helium and read them with me in your best “I’m a Barbie Girl in a Barbie World” voice, won’t you?

Tell us about your political philosophy. There are different groups of conservatives, by way of example: Social Conservative, Fiscal Conservative, Law & Order Republican.

What is it about George W. Bush that makes you want to serve him?

Aside from the President, give us an example of someone currently or recently in public service who you admire.

One interviewee responded to the last question by indicating he admired Condoleezza Rice.  At that point, Goodling frowned and said, “But she’s pro-choice.”

High five, Monica!  That’s some killer cross examination right there.  The Babes for Baby Jesus Moot Court Team must’ve learned you hella good.  I also think you did an awesome job of living out your Christian and patriotic principles by:

Blocking the hiring of an experienced counter-terrorism prosecutor because his wife was a Democrat.

Ousting a career Justice Department attorney for her rumored sexual orientation.

Hiring inexperienced (but conservative!) immigration judges based on their party affiliation.

Requiring applicants for career jobs to fill out the political appointee form so you could find out about their political views, and telling them you were “aware it was improper, but please fill it out anyway” when they balked.

Monica Goodling, this is your day!  Enjoy this look back on your stellar legal career.  I don’t think anyone could’ve done a worse job, and while that isn’t anything to be proud of, at least you know you’re #1 in something, even if it’s fucking up the most important job of your life.

Tags: Bush Fuckups, Conservatwats, Justice Department, Monica Goodling