Ugly Thy Name is the New South Carolina License Plate


The baby Jesus and I sobbed into our body pillows when we saw this one.  I’d heard tell of it, but I chose to believe that it wouldn’t be as bad as I feared.  Then I saw it rolling down the road yesterday, and I had to shield the children’s eyes.  It’s orange and purple, for fuck’s sake.  It doesn’t match any car on the road (and I’ve seen it on a few).  It doesn’t evoke jack shit about life in the Palmetto State.  It’s supposed to be the South Carolina sunrise, but at first glance it looks like something Bob Ross would’ve painted during a peyote-fueled desert sojourn.  Worst of all, it replaces the loveliest license plate ever to adorn my minivan:

Now that’s my South Carolina: a dreamy day at the beach under blue skies and the shade of a naturally-hued palmetto tree.  Really, DMV, were South Carolinians clamoring for change?  Were they burning tires in the street, beating rhythmically on trash cans, and crying out for something new?  I doubt it. 

I did a little digging and discovered that 30 year-old golf course turf manager Matthew Kamann of Mount Pleasant (Hell’s overflow room in suburban Charleston) designed this gem.  And his design received 102,000 votes in an online contest!  Who the hell has 102,000 relatives?  Someone from motherfucking Kentucky, that’s who.  I’ve got my eye on you, Matthew, and I have big plans for Kentucky’s new state plate.  Bluegrass state, here I come.  Your people won’t know what hit them or their broke ass cars when I’m through.


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8 Responses to “Ugly Thy Name is the New South Carolina License Plate”

  1. dorothyzbornak Says:

    Wow, that’s an ugly-ass license plate. And I’m surprised the U of SC peeps haven’t issued a public outcry since it’s basically a fucking Clemson plate with all that orange and purple. All it needs are some tiger paws around the bottom of the tree.

  2. Skinny Bone Jones Says:

    You give ’em goddamn what-for, sugar!

  3. cate3710 Says:

    If Bob Ross had painted it, that tree would look happier. He’s all about the happy trees. Also, there would be less orange and more ocher.

  4. lalaland13 Says:

    Arkansas has a diamond. Oklahoma’s is the ugliest plate ever, but they’re changing it. Once I shouted at someone, “Oklahoma may be OK, but you suck!”

    Texas took an online vote to decide on their new plate. My choice lost. The new choice isn’t terrible, but meh. I wanted the bluebonnets.



  5. AGreenEyeDevil Says:

    This is blasphemy MBB, those are CLEMSON colors. Wretch, puke, and die!! ACK. There is clearly an undue alma mater influence in the damn DMV tag office in Columbia. Dotty Z this U of SC gal is PISSED and I live in YOUR state, WTF!

  6. myrtlebeachbum Says:

    Thank you, Cate! That tree looks so sad. It never asked for this life.

  7. dorothyzbornak Says:

    @AGreenEyeDevil: Raise hell!

  8. *h Says:

    That is one busted plate. It’s quite 80’s, but not in the good way. There should be a little button on it, so when you push it, it plays “Kokomo”, as that is all I can think of when I look at that mess.

    And what is up with that moon?

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