Pussymouth: Official Facial Hair of the South

Not bad, huh?  Except for one little thing (permahat aside): that pussymouth has got to go.  I’ve watched the epidemic spread across Dixie, and last week at my mom’s house I reached my breaking point when I realized she’d married a goatee man.  My step dad has one.  My dad has one.  Tim McGraw has one.  I fear that I saw my illicit lover, Tennessee Titans head coach Jeff Fisher, sporting one during pre-season training the other day.  Why, oh why do Southern men feel the need to sport a pussy on their face?  I’m intrigued, I’m horrified, I’m embarrassed for all of them, and I must know how this happened.  If anyone has the answer, come find me.  I’ll be in the garage with a Coors Light, admiring a real man turn a hunk of metal into a gleaming hot rod.  He’s got a clean, close shave, and if he wants a pussy on his face, he’ll get it the old fashioned way, thank you very much.

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9 Responses to “Pussymouth: Official Facial Hair of the South”

  1. dorothyzbornak Says:

    OK, you’ve really struck a nerve with this one. Because while he’s hot and clean shaven now, my boy has had (and wants to grow back) this facial hairstyle. And I HATE IT. He had to shave it for a new job, but he won’t be doing that same job anymore, so as of August, he’s free to do as he pleases with his face. I think he grows it because he thinks it makes him look tough (which is ridiculous). I’ve begged him not to cover his cute face with unnecessary facial hair, but I don’t think I’m getting through to him. Maybe if I refer to it as pussyface, he’ll reconsider.

  2. myrtlebeachbum Says:

    DottyZ: The Urban Dictionary also calls it a “prison pussy.” There’s your backup, in case you need it.

  3. dorothyzbornak Says:

    I am so using that shit. He will not bring that mess back if I have anything to do with it.

    Also, I was in a meeting earlier and realized two of my co-workers are also sporting this style. It has to stop!

  4. angiesyounglover Says:

    you are hilarious and so is that last sentence, my god!

  5. The Mayor of Bethville Says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, I love you, Myrtle.

  6. trixiefromtoronto Says:

    I hate goatees. Absolutely repulsed by them. I will not date a man with one, or even give him a look. Gross.

  7. bowlingfordollars Says:

    That was funny as hell. Even if I tremendously like pussies.

  8. Skinny Bone Jones Says:

    So, being a lesbian and all, I have never even thought of this, and am now repulsed but giggling anyway. It reminds me of how my BFF is always complaining about girls with real dark lipliner and a totally different shade of lipstick, and how they have “asshole mouth” (which has probably been discussed amongst us before but is so vulgar and crass I have difficulty repeating it, such as).

  9. kadinsky Says:

    i hear you on this. all i can offer in the way of explanation (from my uh, first hand knowledge of a large segment of the pussyface wearing populace) is that those of them that are able to grow the ‘connectors’ (aka labium minora hairline) are so proud of this that the resulting pussyface is like a badge of accomplishment.

    or some shit.

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